Saturday, November 9, 2019

Lemonade out of Lemons... (Sugarfree!)

Last night I made Lemonade out of Lemons...   Sugarfree at that*!  I had a first date scheduled and apparently I was stood up.  The good part of it was that I had not even left my house yet... the bad part is that he owned a boat and I was really hoping to get to know him and get a few dates out of it!  I blocked him so that is not happening.

I had been face timing with him and chatting/texting with him a few times over the past few days.  All was good... or so I thought.  We spoke around 5 and he was starting to work on something for his boat...  I had told him I could meet him around 7:30 halfway between us.  At 7 he was still working on his boat... so I told him no worries. He told me he would text me when he was done.  Fast forward to 8 pm ish and I had not heard from him.  I texted asking if he was done/are we still meeting. He read this around 8:15 and started to reply as I could see the ... and then they disappeared!  Nice job Casper... No wonder you said you can't find anyone... So I wrote back and said I guess I am being stood up which is a shame as I had chosen him over two other offers!  (One I switched to a different day/time and the other offer came a few hours before I was stood up). 

Mind you - I was lying on the sofa, make-up all done, chilling out watching Flea Bag and thoroughly enjoying relaxing but still... I was ditched.  I was ditched and horny!  Yup, I said it.  Flea Bag is such an amazing show but it was getting hot and steamy and I was in need.  

Time to make Lemons... I texted my newer FWB/FF... and he happened on a rare Fri night not to be busy.  (He has a hobby that usually keeps him busy on most Friday nights).  I was totally willing to make the drive but he was amazing and drove to me.  I sprang into action to get the bedroom ready (I usually do not make my bed) and get into something way more comfortable.  30 minutes later the main ingredient needed to make lemonade appeared.    We did not waste time making a ton of Lemonade.... sugar free*.  (I found out he had been sitting watching TV wondering what I was doing)

*So why Sugar Free?  Simple... Sugar is something you get addicted to... he is not available for me to get addicted to right now.  He is not ready for a committed relationship.  We actually had that talk and if at some point he is, I do like him and would like to explore it if I am available to do so at the time.  If not...  I am taking him for what he is worth...  a seriously amazing FWB/FF that I am so comfortable with talking to or making Lemonade with.  

Three hours later... all of the lemons had been squeezed.


In other news......

...  The guy I was supposed to have a date with on Wed night cancelled on me again - strike 2.  First time he had to work and do a last minute proposal.  We spoke on the phone on his breaks - all good.  This past Wednesday he had a "family emergency".  I heard from him Thursday saying he still wanted to see / meet me. I replied "ok" (but not really ok) and I have yet to hear from him. Sad about this one as he was pretty handsome and we really had a lot of laughs on the phone.  NEXT!

...  SQUIRREL!   On my phone when I click on the blog link...  it shows as which is hillarious!  G spots are SO very important.

...  I had a coffee date with someone that found me on facebook (not the dating portion) which by the way blows...and not in the good way.  FB dating section needs WAY more info so we can be more selective and not have to ask a million questions of someone.  Back to the coffee..  He was nice and a gentleman...
(You know there is a BUTTTTT in here... he is so loud/abrasive/New Yorker). 
We will see as I have agreed to spend a little more time getting to know him, BUTTTTT I feel I will be trying to change him and shush him.  So if I do need to say goodbye to him (which I can see coming) I will let him know that I am not looking to change someone and I want him to quiet down more than he is capable of. LOL!  We shall see- I am giving him another date on Sunday afternoon.

... I have a date this afternoon with someone on the surface I really like. He is not my type (if I have one) but from our conversations.. I am intrigued.  We are meeting at a location TBD and apparently playing a tile game! So very funny!  Lets see how this goes.

... I have another date Sunday am for breakfast with someone I do not know all that well.  Should be interesting.

...I have been in conversation with someone that I am a bit wary of as he is from England.  He is here for work and goes back soon and is supposedly moving here with his two boys.  He is sweet but I am pretty distrusting of those with an accent from England/Europe/Denmark, etc.. based on the scammer from Denmark. (No worries... I am too smart for that).

Lots of action and several that have gone by the wayside.  I would love to find someone to be in a LTR with at some pt, esp with holidays approaching; however, I am just going to lessen my need to make lemonade with so many, enjoy my dates and maybe start to be a little more selective at some pt soon.  We will see.  

For now I am large and in charge with eyes wide open!

P.S.  I think I am in the mood for a tall glass of water with a side of Lemon!

Monday, November 4, 2019

Things that make you go hmmmmm

I have not written in a while as I have been busy with my child...   not to much happening on the dating front, except for this:

The guy I had met and been with the night after we had a 2 hr meeting/date at a park... I felt he was not really into me since he had been sick. I called him on it and questioned if he was still interested.  It was all I could do to keep from laughing louder than the chuckle I did... he blamed me for getting him sick.  He blamed us "fooling around" for him getting sick! BAHAHAHAAHA
He works in a "hospital" and he "never" gets sick.  Soooo funny!  I was not sick.  I was fine.  Soooo funny. I told him it was ridiculous but thanks for telling me via phone and not on a text.  Is he serious?  I am really not at all sad about this as he was not right for me.... his kissing was awful (his tongue never left the inside of my mouth) and his package was waaaaay too small for me.  I just cant help but thinking how funny that either he really does think I am to blame (I think he was so serious) or he is using this as an excuse (less likely given other factors).  I just can't!  

Someone I had chatted with from another site (site for those that are larger) decided that I was not "large" enough for him.  He ultimately had told me that it would not work out as I was not uninhibited enough for him and more or less not big enough for him.  Also a ROFL moment.  He then hopped a flight and messaged me at 11 pm Sat night telling me he wanted me to come to Miami so he could bang me!  ROFL x 2! Flattering or down right scary?   He sent me pics of the last person he was with and told me that was was way hotter.  When I say pics of her - let me tell you that it was her and her vagina in all it's glory! WTF!  When I said no - the next night he sent me a pic of some hoe he picked up with white hair sucking him off and how they wanted me to join them! 
I am not joking here.  ROFL and WTF combined into one big ass HELL NO from me!  That is an STD waiting to happen right there.  And  in case you are wondering - I am totally hotter than any of the women he has sent me pics of.

And then there is young Latin guy that keeps asking me for booty pics.  Nope. No.  Hard No.

In positive news... I ordered a new vibrator.  She is something pretty special with 10 different speeds for inside and 10 levels of suction. My review is stellar.

Finally - I have to tell you to go watch Flea Bag on Amazon Prime. I was told to watch it and OMG - I am in love I have only watched 2 episodes but I am hooked!  She is my hero...Her and Madge the Vag!

I have a few men I am meeting this week and maybe weekend... so I am sure there will be a lot more to blog.  I am Large and In Charge.  

Monday, October 28, 2019

Hey Baby... Hey Sweetie....

I am NOT your baby or your sweetie or your boo.  On one of the sites I chatted with one of the guys asked for my cell. He wanted to text.  That is cool.  He called (did not text) but the first thing he said was "Hey baby, how are you doing?" and I retorted with a laugh, "I am not your baby."  Click.  He hung up! LOL    Men or rather boys in this case, do not like being told to not call us baby or boo or sweetie or dear (that is the worst).  I quickly blocked him.  
Until you know me and until we are something, I am NOT your baby!  Next...

Sunday, October 27, 2019

Will power is overrated

This has been a most interesting week and a half.   The ghoster tried once again to get me to change my mind...  he did not succeed.  This was probably the only will power that was exerted this week in any capacity that resembles success.   

I did manage to meet someone at a park.  This was to make sure that I indeed exerted a modicum of control.  We mostly talked with a few sessions of sucking face.  Let me refrain that...  I was trying to kiss and he was pretty much not allowing me to breathe! LOL  That aside... I had to leave to get back to work after 2 1/2 hours!  I agreed to give him a massage late the next night but insisted that I had to behave.  He told me he would make sure of it.  I could trust him since I did not trust myself.  *sigh*  I held out until 1 am and after discussion of life being too short happened (this always gets me).  I clearly had no right to trust myself and apparently not him!  The kissing needs to be worked on but I can totally say that he is not a selfish person.  We had some intense sessions looking into one another's eyes.  We were supposed to have a date during the weekend but he ended up getting sick, which cleared the way for some serious fun.

I will skip the details of my Friday night date; however, I will say that being a chivalrous gentleman is amazing, except when it borders on oppressive and when you are selfish in bed. I love that a man wants to hold the door open for me, pull out my chair, open my car door, etc... but for the love of humanity, please allow me to open the car door and get out if I want to.  I am not one to sit and wait for the man to come around to open my car door when I am perfectly capable of opening the car and standing up.  As far as being selfish in bed...   things cannot always be equal but that is for a long term situation.  If you ever want to see the side of a second date, be kind and remember that being chivalrous also means allowing the woman to have her own pleasures that do not have anything to do with you.

I also will skip any details of Sat except to say that the person I was with has become a FWB for right now.  He had crazy mads skills at popping up multiple times during the night as well as crazy mad oral skills.  Many hours later....most comfortable fun I have had in a long time.  Not only that, but my knees and back allowed me to do positions that I love.  I am not really into vanilla man  on top sex and hope that anyone reading this is not either.  Some of the other positions are just way more intense.  

Today I had to visit his work as he is doing a sort of job for me and may I just say that I was not prepared for how the visit ended on a blanket in the back room of the office.  Totally not expected.  Totally hot.  Cue smile on my face all day!

I would say that this has been a successful weekend of adulting.  A lot of fun was had.  Resting took place.  No one was hurt. 

If it does not bring you income, inspiration or orgasms, it doesn't belong in your life!

I am Large and In Charge...

Wednesday, October 16, 2019

It's too late to say sorry or Casper Returns or....

Mr Big Realized He is a BIG DICK
I am not sure what the appropriate title for this blog would be.

2 months and one day later... Mr Big (AKA Ghoster) appears from the shadows of darkness where one can hear the crickets chirping and says Boo!

He attempts communication via email, fb messenger and text.  When he realizes that I indeed did reply back to him via email*, he texts me that I always treated him like a "king" despite his faults.  Silence/Crickets this time from my end. He then decides that silence is a fair treatment.  Silly me to think he was done.

*Let me go back to the email I sent to him.  When he emailed me about something music related, I took it as my opening to reply back and slam that door... the closure I longed for.

I wrote back "I wanted to thank you for ghosting me. Best thing you ever could've done for me.  25 lbs down plus inches plus more to go #bestsingleslifeever
Having the time of my life and started a blog on dating and divorce. None of this would've happened had you not swept into my life unannounced and so abruptly did the dick ghost move which turned into a blessing. So thank you."

I thought (wrongly so) that I was done. I said my peace and I had closure...  (insert evil laugh) WRONG!

He called me twice today and then messaged and texted.  My friend who was responsible for hooking me and the ghost up, called me out saying that I was doing to him as I did not want to have happen to me - I was ghosting back.  Ugh -  she was right of course, so I called him.

He apologized for having a "melt-down" as he was under a lot of stress from his work hours as well as school.  He is not a good student or good man and he has been trying to reach out to me and find my info, etc...  That I treated him so well despite how ugly he was to me and how much I put up with, etc...     

He wanted to get back together and see me.  No.  Just have coffee.  No.  Friends. No

I told him my standards are set high as I have self respect and self worth. Communication is key.  That I was and am worth more than what he did to me. 

Once we were done and I hung up, he continued to text me and wanted to see me.  I told him it is not happening and best of luck.  He also texted "Truth be told I had no better lover/friend than you since we met." Thanks again."  I kept saying best of luck , we are not meeting, we are not having coffee, etc....  
He concluded with "The offer is there.  Those who run aren't as strong as those who go back."  

I have news for you buddy... I slammed the door and walked away with my head held high. No running.  Peace out!

I feel amazing.  Empowered and changed for the better.  In a past life, I would have taken him back. Not anymore.  I have turned so many corners and changed in so many ways.  

I am Large and In Charge!

Monday, October 14, 2019

Vagina Voodoo

A friend came up with the idea for the title of this blog post... based on the events of the past week. 

Single life, AKA "Freedom" suits me for now just fine.  That is not to say that sooner than later I might want a relationship to develop... but for the moment I am living in the moment... and identifying with "Jane the slut" from Rocky Horror!

It has been quite the over abundance of activity this week on the dating/fun/sex front.  The general consensus has been if we are not hurting anyone, sex and all that goes with it just feels good.  It is nice to be taken out for drinks and an appetizer, listen to music....  while stirring up chemistry and have all the control.  

I go from Mom to MILF to Mom mode in the course of three days, so my weekends have to count for something!

I do not think that I am going to use this post to elaborate with nicknames or details as I plan to / pretty sure I will see them all again.  What I can tell you is that women are pretty powerful beings.  My vagina apparently has magic voodoo and it must manifest itself via my eyes and body language.  Powerful stuff I tell you.

Also this week I am feeling very empowered for a few reasons... 

1) I chose my boudoir photo that will be used for someone else's blog on empowering women. It took me 30 min to make my final choice and to be 100% with no regrets on the one I chose. It is an amazing photo that leaves just enough to the imagination and has the power to collapse a man to his knees...

2) I also eliminated about 6-7 from chatting with me.  I chose the ones I felt were worth carrying on a conversation / potential meeting with.  The others for various reasons I simply told that it was not going to work out or I needed to pair down the conversations I was having for lack of time.

3) I told someone that we were not a good match (after he asked me for my weight) and realized next time I will ask him his penis size.  Although I bet he will be happy to share!  I also shared a full length dressed pic with someone as I had shared that I was full-figured, etc...  and after 5 minutes of radio silence I swiped left and deleted him.  It is ok if someone chooses to be superficial  - that is their American right!  

4) The men I have seen this week are ok with the flaws of my body / extra weight as they know I am working on it.   I am working on being ok with me too - soooo difficult and challenging to hear someone loves your ass! It is also interesting to learn that a man that is super hot also sees himself as flawed and has insecurities about part of his bod!  Eye opening.

My words of wisdom this week to all of the men have been to not say they are sorry for anything. In conversation something will come up...say talking a lot/sharing...and they might say "sorry" for talking too much. Why say sorry? Are you really sorry? If you did not want to talk then stop. Or talk and take ownership.  Own it.  Be glad I am an amazing listener (NOT your therapist!).  Own your actions and feelings.  

I have grown a lot in the last few months and am better for it. So to that original guy that ghosted me - I say thank you.  Your interest in me as a FWB and subsequent dick move ghosting was such an amazing gift.

Signing off and shutting down the Vagina Voodoo for the next few weeks (minus one day) as I am on mom mode. Plus my body and mind needs to reset itself.

I am Large and In Charge and your modern day full-figured Carrie Bradshaw...

Thursday, October 10, 2019

The Field...

Whoever "they" is it "Playing the Field" and I guess I can certainly say that  have rounded the bases many times.  No regrets. Full ownership for what I am doing and what I am after.  

I am a woman that spent the last decade unsatisfied sexually and I am "playing catch (up)" to make up for lost time.

Speaking of catching up...  here at blog central, there needs to be some updates.

Someone I was chatting with on the phone (who btw was super religious and attended church daily*) tried to sextort me.  Our conversations got pretty hot and heavy and there was a lot of sexting. (*He must need to ask for forgiveness daily) He tried to force me to give him nude pics of my butt, breasts or leg in 5 minutes or he was withholding seeing me as he was not convinced  was "all in".  WTF  You can take your religion and shove it where the sun does not shine sir...  Seriously - You have no power over me.. I had not met you and I was not invested.  Thank goodness I did not meet him!

*Southern Gentleman is no more. He broke his cardinal rule and the last time he was here (middle of a day), he took pleasure before me, leaving me unsatisfied.  I knew that was the last time I would see him.  He did not text his good mornings and sure enough today there was "the text" saying that he is "taking a break" and he is getting his life re-focused and he has a "lot going on" blah blah...   It may have been that he saw part of my largeness that he did not like in the daylight - who knows.  Whatever the case... he has ridden off on his horse into the darkness and I am A-Ok with it!

After a 7 week determined conquest... I was able to get someone to commit to giving me the hug and kiss that I had been promised.  It led to a LOT More and we needed to be hosed off.  What was truly unfortunate was the intentional bruises that were left behind as a result of the hot passion.  I like it a little rough, but not to where it hurts to touch my now black and blue nipples!!!

Someone earlier this week made a quick coffee date with me and then a day later called it off as he was getting more serious with a woman he was dating (they decided all of the sudden)... Not sure I actually believe him.  Super unfortunate as I was hoping to connect with him and his music - he seemed like a good one.  Someone else I chatted with this past week and made a date with for Sunday also messaged me today and told me that he was getting back together with his ex as of this am.  Two in one day!  He I was not as excited about so this was also fine.   Plus- no sooner did this happen than I replaced him with a different date!

I have 4 dates lined up for this weekend.. 2 are more about a physical FWB type thing, one I have no idea and the other seems somewhat normal and subdued.  

I have to say that I am having fun and this is all I want.  For now.. I do miss having someone to go places with me and have fun.  For now I will continue to safely play the field and accumulate those numbers for my numbers game and enjoy the physical connections, first time kisses, passion, dirty talk and ...  but I know there will be a time when I would love to find someone to date more consistently or have a LTR with.  

For now though - I have more bases to run and tackling to do.  Signing off until after the weekend of fun..I am large and in charge!