Monday, October 28, 2019

Hey Baby... Hey Sweetie....

I am NOT your baby or your sweetie or your boo.  On one of the sites I chatted with one of the guys asked for my cell. He wanted to text.  That is cool.  He called (did not text) but the first thing he said was "Hey baby, how are you doing?" and I retorted with a laugh, "I am not your baby."  Click.  He hung up! LOL    Men or rather boys in this case, do not like being told to not call us baby or boo or sweetie or dear (that is the worst).  I quickly blocked him.  
Until you know me and until we are something, I am NOT your baby!  Next...

Sunday, October 27, 2019

Will power is overrated

This has been a most interesting week and a half.   The ghoster tried once again to get me to change my mind...  he did not succeed.  This was probably the only will power that was exerted this week in any capacity that resembles success.   

I did manage to meet someone at a park.  This was to make sure that I indeed exerted a modicum of control.  We mostly talked with a few sessions of sucking face.  Let me refrain that...  I was trying to kiss and he was pretty much not allowing me to breathe! LOL  That aside... I had to leave to get back to work after 2 1/2 hours!  I agreed to give him a massage late the next night but insisted that I had to behave.  He told me he would make sure of it.  I could trust him since I did not trust myself.  *sigh*  I held out until 1 am and after discussion of life being too short happened (this always gets me).  I clearly had no right to trust myself and apparently not him!  The kissing needs to be worked on but I can totally say that he is not a selfish person.  We had some intense sessions looking into one another's eyes.  We were supposed to have a date during the weekend but he ended up getting sick, which cleared the way for some serious fun.

I will skip the details of my Friday night date; however, I will say that being a chivalrous gentleman is amazing, except when it borders on oppressive and when you are selfish in bed. I love that a man wants to hold the door open for me, pull out my chair, open my car door, etc... but for the love of humanity, please allow me to open the car door and get out if I want to.  I am not one to sit and wait for the man to come around to open my car door when I am perfectly capable of opening the car and standing up.  As far as being selfish in bed...   things cannot always be equal but that is for a long term situation.  If you ever want to see the side of a second date, be kind and remember that being chivalrous also means allowing the woman to have her own pleasures that do not have anything to do with you.

I also will skip any details of Sat except to say that the person I was with has become a FWB for right now.  He had crazy mads skills at popping up multiple times during the night as well as crazy mad oral skills.  Many hours later....most comfortable fun I have had in a long time.  Not only that, but my knees and back allowed me to do positions that I love.  I am not really into vanilla man  on top sex and hope that anyone reading this is not either.  Some of the other positions are just way more intense.  

Today I had to visit his work as he is doing a sort of job for me and may I just say that I was not prepared for how the visit ended on a blanket in the back room of the office.  Totally not expected.  Totally hot.  Cue smile on my face all day!

I would say that this has been a successful weekend of adulting.  A lot of fun was had.  Resting took place.  No one was hurt. 

If it does not bring you income, inspiration or orgasms, it doesn't belong in your life!

I am Large and In Charge...

Wednesday, October 16, 2019

It's too late to say sorry or Casper Returns or....

Mr Big Realized He is a BIG DICK
I am not sure what the appropriate title for this blog would be.

2 months and one day later... Mr Big (AKA Ghoster) appears from the shadows of darkness where one can hear the crickets chirping and says Boo!

He attempts communication via email, fb messenger and text.  When he realizes that I indeed did reply back to him via email*, he texts me that I always treated him like a "king" despite his faults.  Silence/Crickets this time from my end. He then decides that silence is a fair treatment.  Silly me to think he was done.

*Let me go back to the email I sent to him.  When he emailed me about something music related, I took it as my opening to reply back and slam that door... the closure I longed for.

I wrote back "I wanted to thank you for ghosting me. Best thing you ever could've done for me.  25 lbs down plus inches plus more to go #bestsingleslifeever
Having the time of my life and started a blog on dating and divorce. None of this would've happened had you not swept into my life unannounced and so abruptly did the dick ghost move which turned into a blessing. So thank you."

I thought (wrongly so) that I was done. I said my peace and I had closure...  (insert evil laugh) WRONG!

He called me twice today and then messaged and texted.  My friend who was responsible for hooking me and the ghost up, called me out saying that I was doing to him as I did not want to have happen to me - I was ghosting back.  Ugh -  she was right of course, so I called him.

He apologized for having a "melt-down" as he was under a lot of stress from his work hours as well as school.  He is not a good student or good man and he has been trying to reach out to me and find my info, etc...  That I treated him so well despite how ugly he was to me and how much I put up with, etc...     

He wanted to get back together and see me.  No.  Just have coffee.  No.  Friends. No

I told him my standards are set high as I have self respect and self worth. Communication is key.  That I was and am worth more than what he did to me. 

Once we were done and I hung up, he continued to text me and wanted to see me.  I told him it is not happening and best of luck.  He also texted "Truth be told I had no better lover/friend than you since we met." Thanks again."  I kept saying best of luck , we are not meeting, we are not having coffee, etc....  
He concluded with "The offer is there.  Those who run aren't as strong as those who go back."  

I have news for you buddy... I slammed the door and walked away with my head held high. No running.  Peace out!

I feel amazing.  Empowered and changed for the better.  In a past life, I would have taken him back. Not anymore.  I have turned so many corners and changed in so many ways.  

I am Large and In Charge!


Monday, October 14, 2019

Vagina Voodoo

A friend came up with the idea for the title of this blog post... based on the events of the past week. 

Single life, AKA "Freedom" suits me for now just fine.  That is not to say that sooner than later I might want a relationship to develop... but for the moment I am living in the moment... and identifying with "Jane the slut" from Rocky Horror!

It has been quite the over abundance of activity this week on the dating/fun/sex front.  The general consensus has been if we are not hurting anyone, sex and all that goes with it just feels good.  It is nice to be taken out for drinks and an appetizer, listen to music....  while stirring up chemistry and have all the control.  

I go from Mom to MILF to Mom mode in the course of three days, so my weekends have to count for something!

I do not think that I am going to use this post to elaborate with nicknames or details as I plan to / pretty sure I will see them all again.  What I can tell you is that women are pretty powerful beings.  My vagina apparently has magic voodoo and it must manifest itself via my eyes and body language.  Powerful stuff I tell you.

Also this week I am feeling very empowered for a few reasons... 

1) I chose my boudoir photo that will be used for someone else's blog on empowering women. It took me 30 min to make my final choice and to be 100% with no regrets on the one I chose. It is an amazing photo that leaves just enough to the imagination and has the power to collapse a man to his knees...

2) I also eliminated about 6-7 from chatting with me.  I chose the ones I felt were worth carrying on a conversation / potential meeting with.  The others for various reasons I simply told that it was not going to work out or I needed to pair down the conversations I was having for lack of time.

3) I told someone that we were not a good match (after he asked me for my weight) and realized next time I will ask him his penis size.  Although I bet he will be happy to share!  I also shared a full length dressed pic with someone as I had shared that I was full-figured, etc...  and after 5 minutes of radio silence I swiped left and deleted him.  It is ok if someone chooses to be superficial  - that is their American right!  

4) The men I have seen this week are ok with the flaws of my body / extra weight as they know I am working on it.   I am working on being ok with me too - soooo difficult and challenging to hear someone loves your ass! It is also interesting to learn that a man that is super hot also sees himself as flawed and has insecurities about part of his bod!  Eye opening.

My words of wisdom this week to all of the men have been to not say they are sorry for anything. In conversation something will come up...say talking a lot/sharing...and they might say "sorry" for talking too much. Why say sorry? Are you really sorry? If you did not want to talk then stop. Or talk and take ownership.  Own it.  Be glad I am an amazing listener (NOT your therapist!).  Own your actions and feelings.  

I have grown a lot in the last few months and am better for it. So to that original guy that ghosted me - I say thank you.  Your interest in me as a FWB and subsequent dick move ghosting was such an amazing gift.

Signing off and shutting down the Vagina Voodoo for the next few weeks (minus one day) as I am on mom mode. Plus my body and mind needs to reset itself.

I am Large and In Charge and your modern day full-figured Carrie Bradshaw...









Thursday, October 10, 2019

The Field...

Whoever "they" is ..call it "Playing the Field" and I guess I can certainly say that  have rounded the bases many times.  No regrets. Full ownership for what I am doing and what I am after.  

I am a woman that spent the last decade unsatisfied sexually and I am "playing catch (up)" to make up for lost time.

Speaking of catching up...  here at blog central, there needs to be some updates.

Someone I was chatting with on the phone (who btw was super religious and attended church daily*) tried to sextort me.  Our conversations got pretty hot and heavy and there was a lot of sexting. (*He must need to ask for forgiveness daily) He tried to force me to give him nude pics of my butt, breasts or leg in 5 minutes or he was withholding seeing me as he was not convinced  was "all in".  WTF  You can take your religion and shove it where the sun does not shine sir...  Seriously - You have no power over me.. I had not met you and I was not invested.  Thank goodness I did not meet him!

*Southern Gentleman is no more. He broke his cardinal rule and the last time he was here (middle of a day), he took pleasure before me, leaving me unsatisfied.  I knew that was the last time I would see him.  He did not text his good mornings and sure enough today there was "the text" saying that he is "taking a break" and he is getting his life re-focused and he has a "lot going on" blah blah...   It may have been that he saw part of my largeness that he did not like in the daylight - who knows.  Whatever the case... he has ridden off on his horse into the darkness and I am A-Ok with it!

After a 7 week determined conquest... I was able to get someone to commit to giving me the hug and kiss that I had been promised.  It led to a LOT More and we needed to be hosed off.  What was truly unfortunate was the intentional bruises that were left behind as a result of the hot passion.  I like it a little rough, but not to where it hurts to touch my now black and blue nipples!!!

Someone earlier this week made a quick coffee date with me and then a day later called it off as he was getting more serious with a woman he was dating (they decided all of the sudden)... Not sure I actually believe him.  Super unfortunate as I was hoping to connect with him and his music - he seemed like a good one.  Someone else I chatted with this past week and made a date with for Sunday also messaged me today and told me that he was getting back together with his ex as of this am.  Two in one day!  He I was not as excited about so this was also fine.   Plus- no sooner did this happen than I replaced him with a different date!

I have 4 dates lined up for this weekend.. 2 are more about a physical FWB type thing, one I have no idea and the other seems somewhat normal and subdued.  

I have to say that I am having fun and this is all I want.  For now.. I do miss having someone to go places with me and have fun.  For now I will continue to safely play the field and accumulate those numbers for my numbers game and enjoy the physical connections, first time kisses, passion, dirty talk and ...  but I know there will be a time when I would love to find someone to date more consistently or have a LTR with.  

For now though - I have more bases to run and tackling to do.  Signing off until after the weekend of fun..I am large and in charge! 

Friday, October 4, 2019

Jeopardy

(Mom you had better sit down for this one!)

Alex, I will take "WTF" for 69 please...
A: "Ok, the answer is sit on my face"
Q: "What is something you want to do to me?"

OMG so two different men I have been talking / texting with (out of 4 I think this week) told me during a hot & heavy conversation (one was text and the other was via phone) that they could not wait to have me sit on their face.

I am not kidding! Would I lie about something I did in my early 20's?  LOL, yes, ok, I did a lot of fun stuff in my 20's.  Apparently it is a thing and men love to have women sit on their face so they can lick them and eat them out and make them "squirt"... yup - that is also a thing.  I was asked if I "squirt".    How the hell do I know if I "squirt".  I have never held up a mirror to myself while I was having an orgasm or cumming.

Ok.. I must admit that it does not sound all that bad, but how am I going to manage to sit my older big booty on their face exactly?   I am sure they would figure it out!

I have been asked to send boob pics, nude pics and pics in lingerie/bra/undies as well (all of which is a no an against my self protection internet/technology policy so that my image and/or body parts do not end up on some crazy sick sites out there).    

I have been told in explicit detail what they want to do to me and asked if I would masturbate with them on the phone/sext with them.  I have been asked if I had an orgasm yet for the day and do I have daily orgasms.  Mind you... I have yet to meet any of the "fab" four yet!

It is a crazy sex filled WTF world out there for sure. There is no lack of men that are looking to have fun.

I think if there was a sexual Jeopardy.. I might just have a shot at winning!

What's the craziest thing you have been asked?

Signing off... I am Large and In Charge!